I’ve had the privilege to write humorous articles for multiple outlets, including OnMilwaukee, The Marquette Tribune, and The Golden Seagull. Finding opportunities to add some levity to stories and brighten someone’s day is something that I love to do. Below are a collection of articles I’ve written, alongside excerpts of each article.

Click on the photos to see the full articles

The Top 25 Christmas Songs, Ranked

“Christmas music, along with Hallmark Christmas movies, have become the siren song of the season, creeping closer and closer to Halloween every year. Creeping may be the wrong word; it comes blaring, riding on the voice of Mariah Carey and the wings of all those angels we have heard on high, sweetly singing o’er the plains.”

Friday the 13th Causes Worry for Some Students

“’I’ve always made sure to listen to Aerosmith’s ‘Love in an Elevator’ before taking off on every plane ride I’ve been on,” Hoemann said. “The one time I didn’t listen to it, I experienced severe turbulence and thought I was going to die.”
The Grammy-nominated rock song from 1989 has nothing to do with airplanes and, as the title suggests, takes place in an elevator.”

Bean There, Done That

“‘Replace The Bean with Mr. Bean” is one of the less sensible events being planned. Josh Kessenich, the mastermind behind the event, said he hopes that people don’t actually expect him to get Rowan Atkinson to visit The Bean. “I was watching Rowan Atkinson’s performance at the 2012 London Olympics and then saw a few of The Bean posts. Kind of just put two and two together,” Kessenich said, explaining his reasons behind creating the event.”

Milwaukee’s French Fries, Graded

Quantity: Do you remember when you were a child, and your mom would scold you for pouring too much Lucky Charms into your cereal bowl, but you didn’t care because you were going to get down to chow town, but about two-thirds of the way through your meal your stomach started to hurt and you regretted your decision? No? Just me? Well, anyways, there are a lot of fries in this basket. Bring a friend.”

The 12 Days of Christmas, Ranked

“9. Six geese a laying: The only reason the geese are listed as slightly better than the swans is because there are less of them. Mathematically, six is fewer than seven, and I know that, because I’m a college graduate. Also, I’m going to assume that these geese aren’t laying eggs; instead, they’re laying down some sick rhymes over a fat rap beat. That would be a sight to see. I bet their rap group would have something to do with honking.”

Catholic students prepare for Ash Ketchum Wednesday

“‘I think that it’s really important to show our love and devotion for Ash,” said Jeff Harvey, president of the Pokemon Master club at Marquette.  “We need to show just how reverent we are of Ash, and this is the best way that we know how to.” This tradition, of course, started in the year 0, when Ash Ketchum sacrificed himself for his Pikachu and stepped in front of Gary’s charging Taurus.  “It’s important to remember what this day is truly about,” Harvey said.”